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I want to fucking scream!

Following up with my last post- the whole point of that was how amazingly selfish and materialistic some people can be. My point proven just the other day. Allow me to rant now.

No, I am NOT to going to buy you that shirt you want, and it's not fair that you hold the "I never got anything for Valentines day" against me. It's not MY fault you got kicked out and sent to West Virginia. I did have something nice planned (something not bought), but thinking on it, now I'm not so sure if you would've considered it cheap or not.

I've tried looking up ways to ship food, but there's no useful information and it became too much of a hassle. You claiming that it would be "an early birthday gift" made me laugh, honestly. Your birthday isn't until July, and I haven't forgotten it over the past three years, I don't think I'm about to start losing my memory yet. My birthday comes before yours, so shouldn't you be getting me a present first?

It pisses me off the way you just use me to get things you want sometimes. While I'll admit, I've indulged a bit when it comes to buying things online, I've never spent large amounts of money (maybe the most was thirty dollars), and I'm not so stupid to buy a shirt, a fucking shirt for sixty bucks. Why the hell do you think most of my clothing comes from the thrift store?

It seems like you look down on me all the time and forget that my family is fucking poor. We don't keep a lot of food in the house, our home isn't as spotless and obsessively vacuumed as yours (was), we watch how much we have to spend on food and clothing, things we need, things we want. You just don't understand, and it's so frustrating sometimes I wanna tear my hair out!

You had it good. You did. Your house was neat and tidy, you have a new computer with a newer version of Windows, you got an expensive bird when your old one suddenly died, your mom even owned her own damn business and let you come in to work for a while. I never wanted you to spend money on me, but I rarely ever had my own. I couldn't keep up with all the demands- movies, food, the mall. Sometimes I went hungry just because I didn't have a penny and didn't want you to find out and make me ride the guilt trip train to hell.

Your arrogance amazes me. The way you have the audacity to make fun of my house, computer, and whine that we don't have anything you like to eat, yet when I'm over your house you tell me to "find something or starve."

All I can do is hope that when you start out on your own, you'll learn something. Please! If there is ANY karma in this world, let this girl learn something about money! I'd like to see what she does when she's in an apartment, has to pay rent, budget on food and other needs. Will she sink or float? I will probably just be keeping my head above the surface, but growing up poor has taught me how to survive that and what to expect, if anything.

2:43 am - February 25th, 2009

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