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WAFF ahoy!

Maybe it's just me, but I sort of hold a grudge against Valentines Day. I don't exactly think it's a bullshit holiday- not if you have someone to share it with, I suppose. It's the way it's advertised. Every year, lovers, boyfriends and girlfriends buy gifts- things that are suppose to win eachothers love or show them how much they care, but all those store bought items just seem so empty of any real feeling. Anyone can go to a store and buy something that a thousand other people own.

It may sound real cheesy, but that's the reason I flat out refuse to buy premade food at Valentines Day. If it's made in a cold steel kitchen in some factory on an assembly line or by someone else's hands, it's just not good enough. Plenty of others can eat the same food prepared by the same person a thousand other times, but only that one chosen person can taste my sweets.

That's the part that makes me a little depressed around this time of year. In addition to the home made confections, I end up buying some generic present to go along with it, because I'm afraid that it'll be taken as the cheap way out if I don't. It may just be the poverty talking, but since when did a shiny new diamond necklace become the ultimate expression of ones love? What the hell ever happened to "I love you"? Why is it that each February 14th, we expect some nice new gift and bitch and moan "you must not love me anymore" if we don't get one?

Okay, I admit, I'm being a bit of a hypocrite with that last statement. But this year it was different. For the past few months, I've been stressed over whether or not Amy still loved me or not. Her email made my heart drop right out of my chest when I read the line "I don't think I like anyone anymore." It was like my chances were totally gone, I'd never have another shot at winning her over again. But somehow, fate has decided not to screw me for once. When I got that present, it meant a whole lot to me. It was a sign that everything was alright and she still had the same feelings for me despite the mess in the past.

After that time off, I had a lot to think about, and now I finally know what I want and am not ashamed to think it anymore. I don't know exactly what I want in life, or where I'm going, but at least I know which direction to run.

2:52 am - February 17th, 2009

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