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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- help get me out of my life! I wanna go to bed...but I can't. Not yet. Mom's still awake blasting her crappy music in the room across from mine and lucky me, we have thin walls. I'm about this close to having a breakdown because things have gotten so incredibly bad at home. Mom got put on high blood pressure pills, and soon after, a bunch of other medications. She complains of hearing voices and muscle twitches caused by the pills, but refuses to stop taking them. She started drinking everyday, something I've never seen her do before, and her anger got worse. She resorts to punching walls and cutting herself, and jokingly calls them her "tattoos." I honestly don't give a shit what she does to herself. Call me cold or whatever you will, but I really don't at this point. But when it starts affecting me and she starts getting up in my face, then it annoys me. I preferred the days when she'd act like the good caring mom in front of people, but now she just doesn't give a shit about putting on her little act. The whole neighborhood knows and I'm embarrassed to even step foot outside and let the neighbors see me as the daughter of the crazy bitch on the block. The family across the street refuse to take their kids to the bus stop anymore because they saw her freak out in the car. To make thing even worse, I think Amy hates me now. I know that I was the one who broke up with her, but I honestly couldn't stand the thought of letting her go, and went through a round of humiliating emails in an attempt to win her back. I'm still unsure if it worked or not. I haven't seen her in about two months, tops, and the wait is driving me insane. Karen's been busy with college and with all two friends wrapped up in their own lives at the moment, there's nowhere for me to escape and no one for me to run to for shelter from the storm. I just stay here all damn day with her and watch her destroy herself, and destroy everything around her as well. You know what else else? I got my GED retest results back- and it seems as though someone screwed up and sent me my old score sheet. That, or I really am a stupid sack of white trash and scored the exact same thing on my algebra retest. But what are the chances of that happening...right? I just want to get my diploma, enroll in HCC, and get the hell out of this never ending cycle already! If I had the credentials, or even the cash, I'd love to go to a college with a dorm. I guess I can still dream. 4:58 am - November 03th, 2008 |
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