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playing the game again

I know it's late...or early, however you look at it, but I can't sleep. It's funny how one wrong word can bring your high spirits crashing down, you know? I thought for sure this time I was going to get the truth. I was so close to having an epiphany with Amy and yet she refuses yet again to reveal her true self to me. My stomach hurts and I feel sick, and I'd like nothing more than to scream right now.

This is a huge hurdle, but I've somehow managed to slowly creep over it...up until being pushed backwards onto my ass, that is. It feels like everything has unraveled and she's reverting back to before I met her. Perhaps I give myself too much credit. I've tried to understand, but how can I if she won't give me the information I want? She says that everyone she's tried to talk to about it has left, but if she continues to keep quiet, she just may lose me.

I don't even understand myself or why I continue to do this. After everything, why am I still here? There have been so many times I've wanted to say I quit and leave, but I didn't. Why the hell do I love her so much?

If you tell me, I promise not to post it here or anywhere. I swear. If you think I'm going to laugh, then fuck you.

Maybe I should just leave.

4:03 am - June 05th, 2008

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