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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Stop being stupid, you stupid bitch It's been so long since I've logged in to Diaryland and updated anything. I've gotten busy and lazy at the same time. In my absence, I've gotten married, given birth to two little girls and have put my marriage on edge with extreme stupidity. I love my daughters, but I wish things could've been done so differently. I wish I would've finished school, I wish I would've been more independent, I wish I wouldn't have rushed into marriage and the one that's put the cracks in my relationship- I wish I wouldn't have saved myself. My husband called me a horrible person and a whore last week. Maybe he's right. While I've never cheated on him, I've often wondered what it would be like to have sex with another man. I thought that I was okay with saving it for the right man. I guess I did, but the knowledge that he's had at least 30-something women on his dick before me makes me feel...spiteful. Yet, oddly jealous. He's talked about it sometimes, all the different ethnicities and types of ladies he's fucked over the years and I can't help but feel like a little bit of a loser. Like, he's gotten to experiment or whatever and I'm with the only man I've ever been intimate with for the rest of my life. The ironic part of this situation is the fact that despite his "experience", he still can't give me what I really want. That just seems to piss me off even more. So I set my eyes upon someone else, someone related to him. Someone I know is a virgin. He's pure, clean and doesn't stick his dick into every hole and I like that about him. I developed a crush on him and I got the moronic idea that confessing drunkenly to my husband would make the thoughts stop. It didn't. Now my marriage is hanging by a thread, I could lose my babies and despite all that, I STILL can't just be content. I wish the thoughts would stop, I really do. 2:21 pm - April 28th, 2013 |
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