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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A tired rant I usually sleep around this time, but Dan's insistent crying is keeping everyone awake. He woke up with a toothache and cries and whines until someone finally shoves some children's Tylenol down his throat. This has been going on and off for about a year, I suppose. We only recently got insured (which everyone in this family really needs. Our teeth suck.) and have yet to make a dentist appointment. I don't care if it makes me sound like a bitch, but I'm just going to say it. My dad is an idiot. He's stubborn as hell and flat-out refuses to believe that things like soda and candy can actually make a kid's teeth rot. I nag him all the time about giving my brother candy whenever he goes to the store or caffeinated sodas, but he usually tells me �shut up.� Meanwhile, this hyperactive little demon who doesn't know when to shut his mouth is (quite literally) driving everyone crazy. I woke up to my mom screaming her head off at him this morning. She kept him home from summer camp/school (yes, it's a day camp at the school), which she probably regrets now. I always thought it was kinda funny how she complains that him going to camp �ruined� her whole summer, when she fails to remember all those past summers he was home driving her up the damn wall. It's a lose/lose situation either way for the melodramatic mother, abandon all hope. I'm not making this shit up just to sound like some whiny little brat who hates her parents. Everything I say is 100% true. Just...in my perspective, I guess. My mom really is that selfish and strong arms her way into getting what she wants (and she says my brother takes after my dad- HAH!). Sometimes I really wish they would get a divorce, but she's already threatened to basically take us all down with her if she gets kicked out of the house. Okay, maybe I AM starting to hate my mother. You're not �cool�, you're not �bad�, you're not a good influence on either of your children, and I wish you'd stop fucking shoving the fact that you're getting some and I'm not in my god damn face (don't even fucking touch that subject with a ten-foot pole). Grow up please. I've been avoiding a lot of things recently. Things I don't wanna do, things I know I should do, but am just too lazy to do, and some things I just don't have the energy to do. I've been feeling drained a lot. A nice big cup of tea usually perks me up for the time being, but as it wears off, I feel really down again, like what difference does it matter if I do those things or not? I've really grown tired of a lot of things- writing, drawing, doing that damn story with Amy (it's been going on for years, I'm flailing for ideas and I'm just sick of it), riding my bike, even moving sometimes. The other week, I got up for a couple hours and went back to sleep since there was nothing to do. I know I need to make that appointment for Job Corps and get the hell out of here, but even getting my ass up to do that is a chore. This house is suffocating me, it really is. I've been this way for years (three years)- doing nothing, and getting the motivation to move again is very hard. I've never been the type to have any sort of motivation in anything. Maybe that's why I haven't found what I'm really good at yet. 4:22 am - July 22th, 2009 |
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