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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- loser. I've been meaning to lose weight like everyone else during the new year, but my mood has been so up and down lately, I usually end up getting depressed and by the end of the day, shoving chips, cookies and candy into my face in mass quantities. The worst of it was when I gave myself a stomach ache from overeating, and if it wasn't for that pain, I probably wouldn't have stopped. So my weight made a big jump from 110 to nearing 120 (not again...). I'm just sort of frustrated with myself for being so predictable. I can't actually commit to anything, even if I say I'll do it. It's like I've got that little alter-ego sitting on my shoulder yelling as I stuff myself while the other tells it to just shut up already and have another cookie. I've been the out-of-shape kid for as long as I can remember...all I want is to wear short skirts and a bikini bottom without jiggling all over the place. My upper body is slimmer than my lower and it looks really weird. But honestly, most of my insecurities with my appearance are rooted within scars from my past- AKA school. How many other people have actually been called ugly to their face by multiple people? Things with Amy is like dumping gasoline on an already growing fire. She has no idea how much fucking damage she's really doing. But sometimes I just give up and think maybe everyone was right. At least my cats still want to be near me, I guess. 4:24 am - February 05th, 2010 |
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