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My monitor is burning my eyes

I've been absorbed once again into the Soul Reaver fandom. I decided to stop lurking around and join in on a LoK forum and continued playing SR2. I'm not even at the first boss yet because I suck at the battling. But maybe that's why I shouldn't have used the god cheat to beat the first game (whoops). Amy and I decided to do a random gift-exchange (because neither of us want to wait months to get our birthday gifts). She bought me Defiance and I got her this Smeargle plush she wanted. She claims to have some kind of "network" on games. She calls some Jerry guy in Ocean City, he buys the game with his mom's credit card then runs it over to her place in exchange for the cash. The guy sounds crazy. He decided to open my game and play it while...yes while he was driving. It usually takes two or three hours to drive from Ocean City to Forest Hill and she says the guy got there in an hour and a half.

I feel like I'm dying. I'm just so tired even when I'm not suppose to be. I think it's the house. This place is so old and has a lot wrong with it. I wouldn't be surprised if one of us developed cancer. My dad keeps talking about moving, but I doubt it's gonna happen. We don't have the money to buy another house, and nobody's gonna buy a run-down twenty-something year old piece of shit like this. I've developed some weird mark on my skin but can't go to the doctor apparently because we don't have the cash for that either. I need to get the hell out. Karen and I are still talking about getting that apartment, but it won't be until shes (hopefully we're) out of college. That's at least four or five years. I'm kinda waiting for the day I go to sleep and don't wake up.

I let it slip to Amy about GSAs (Gay-Strait Alliances). She wanted to start one in our school. I think this would be a disaster. A GSA led by Amy...a girl who didn't even know why it was called gay-strait until I explained it. I'd bet she'd hardly have a clue of how to manage it much less what to do with the group. There are gay students at our school. I knew three of them, one actually got called a "fag" just for looking at another male student (Ryan, you're a great chef, but a real dick).

Ah...that brings me back to Julie's graduation party. There were two girls from anime club there (I forgot their names...Laura and...Rachel?) and they were sitting in the livingroom together, one on the other's lap and the girl had her arms around the other's waist kissing her shoulders. I was trying not to stare, but it's kinda hard not to. It was actually a bit depressing, really. It reminded me of Amy when we were cuddled up on my couch watching a movie. I suppose I wish things were like that still, but they're not. That's the hard reality. My skin is like poison to her and unless I sprouted fur or feathers she'd never touch me like that again.

2:46 am - March 21st, 2007

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