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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- February 04th, 2010 I haven't updated in a while. I'm not sure if it's just laziness, or the fact that there has been absolutely NOTHING new or interesting going on. Things with Job Corps are going slowly, but surely. It's frustrating because I can't drive myself to the appointments and always have to depend on dad to drop work and drive me an hour away to Baltimore, sit in the waiting room for three hours and drive me back. His work has been really slow since his boss' company went bankrupt, so he likes to jump on the chance for work whenever it comes. That usually means I'm stuck having to reschedule again and again since appointments are only open on Mondays for some reason. I went to my first in October, I think. It took me two whole months just to get an OK on the paperwork from the psychiatrist, then another from reschedules and the one day in December that I make it- I find out it's been canceled due to school closings. I actually had to send this lady an email stating my growing frustration with the situation, and that yes, I DO actually want to enroll in the program, despite how it may look from the delay. I'm not exactly proud of the fact I can't do things for myself, which is the entire reason I want to enroll so badly. It's just that the resources to allow me to move forward are missing here. My mom can't just drive me down to the DMV for hell knows why, my dad works, Karen has school, and the nearest bus stop in this shithole of a place you actually have to drive to because it's in the middle of fucking nowhere. I feel really embarrassed and ashamed when I see someone my age rolling up to the gas pump in their car, looking totally independent and cool, whereas I'm sitting in the adjacent car with my dad and little brother. I mean, I can drive...just not legally yet. Problems with the girlfriend are still the same as ever. Like I told Karen, I'm just really fucking bored out of my mind. I can predict what'll happen each time I go to visit- she's typing away on the computer, living in fantasyland, while I'm watching tv all day on the other side of the room. I just wish she'd realize things aren't as great as she thinks, and just because this is what she wants in a relationship, doesn't mean it's what I want. I've tried to make her realize that, but I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if she doesn't think about whether or not she's sacrificing my wants for her own. Well, happy fucking valentines day anyway, I guess. I overate, and now I feel like a big, fat piece of shit. ): 2:53 am - February 04th, 2010 |
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